The Fear Of Getting Cancer

This morning, I went to the hospital to do the remaining medical tests — blood test, urine test and ECG. I was in a rush yesterday and only managed to have the pap smear, Mammogram and chest x-ray done.

The moment I reached the hospital this morning, the nurse told me that my gynae has ordered  me to do an ultrasound scan of my breasts. The nurse told me that the Mammogram yesterday showed ‘something’ and the doctor wanted the ultrasound scan done to find out more. I asked the nurse if it’s something bad but she was reluctant to let me know – that’s the standard ethics which nurses have to abide to. OMG, my first thought was “Am I doomed? What if it’s cancer? I don’t want to suffer and I don’t want to die yet!” I was paralyzed with fear and worries.

I had so many unfounded fears and what if’s running in my mind in the one hour I sat outside the clinic waiting for the doctor cum radiologist to attend to me. Suddenly, I felt that my super hectic life with 3 high-maintenance children is really nothing to complain about. Money issues, personal issues and work issues suddenly seemed so paltry vs. being stricken with cancer. Sitting at the clinic made me realize once again just how important good health is to me and to anyone. You can only run around as busy as a beaver doing so many things every single day ONLY if you are healthy.

This little scare has thrown me back into perspective as regards how I live my life.  As I sat in the hospital, I told myself not to complain about being super busy, tired and having no time for myself anymore. As long as I don’t have the big C, I don’t mind living a very hectic life – minding my kids and making money. I have always complained to God that I have too hectic a life. I told Him that I really wanted a good rest and sleep. Now I know that being able to rest and sleep all day may not be what I really want. Only sickly people get to rest and sleep all day! I want to be up and running. And I also told myself that I will do anything for myself and for my kids to buy us good health.

Finally, the doctor cum radiologist arrived. I was told to change into a white gown and lie down for her to perform the scan and then… the scan showed that there were 2 water cysts on my left breast (measuring less than 2cm) and 1 water cyst and several other very tiny water cysts on the right breast. I asked the doctor if these are dangerous and she said that I can leave them alone. As long as the cysts do not cause any pain, swelling and fever, I can leave them alone.  If the cysts become too big till they can be profoundly felt externally, then my gynae would have to aspirate them out via a simple procedure.   I’ll just need my bi-yearly ultrasound scans to monitor them. She also pointed out the cysts to me on the monitor — which are black oval like lumps. However, if the cysts are GREY in color on the monitor, then these are tumours/growth and would need to be removed for biopsy.  I guess I have my mother’s genes. She is also very prone to getting water cysts in her breasts 🙁

After going through a mere 1 hour of agony, I have decided to love and appreciate my health and that of my kids’ even more. As it is, I think I am already doing my level best to ensure that my kids and myself have good health. I prepare only healthy meals, I make sure they have their daily dose of fresh fruit smoothie and I give them supplements. Now, on supplements – this I have to admit that all these while, I have only placed extra care and attention in this area on Cass as she has the most problems, while for Alycia and Sherilyn, I tend to lax a teeny wee bit when it comes to ensuring that they pop their supplements on a daily basis. I have made up my mind that I should give myself and my kids the best supplements to ensure that their health is protected, though it may mean that I would have to fork out even more every month.

I am thankful to my friend once again, for introducing me to two very good health supplements – a high concentration of hydrogen infused water and a powerful carotenoids and lutein supplement.  You can email me at or Whatsapp me at 019 266 4290 to find out more.

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Yearly Pap Smear And Full Medical Test

Yesterday I finally moved my arse and dragged myself to the hospital to do my slightly overdue pap smear and ultrasound scan of my breasts and reproductive organs.  In addition, for the first time in my life, I asked for a full medical test, consisting of a Mammogram, chest x-ray, blood tests, cancer marker test, urine test and ECG. That made me RM700+ poorer 🙁

In the past, I have heard and read of mixed responses from people as regards pain on the breasts when doing Mammogram. Yesterday, I got to experience it myself and it certainly was not a pleasant experience!  Well, going through medical tests are hardly ever pleasant. But they can be life-saving and you just have to go through the motions whether you like it or not.

To begin with, I have very low pain threshold (yet I survived 3 C-section births!).  And secondly, I am pretty flat chested and do not have the extra baggage on my boops to cushion off the pain.   But I have to say that I felt like I was in a freezing cold torture chamber where my boops were fondled and manhandled by a total stranger. It would probably be easier for me and the radiologist had I been blessed with bigger assets, thus easier for her to place them on the Mammogram machine. With smaller assets, you just have to adjust your position (tip toe) and let your assets be manhandled shamelessly so that they are propped nicely on the machine for the radiologist to ‘lock’ them between the upper and lower gadgets — one boop at a time. Each side = 2 positions.

You see the black zerox like machine below? I had to place my boops there with the white machine above almost squishing them.  Thank God the radiologist was a female!


And yes, I did yelp out in pain when my boops were sandwiched tightly by the zerox thingy — 4 times (2 positions on each boop). I felt really screwed up!

Results of all my tests will be out next week and I will have another appointment to see my doctor next week. Wish me all the best in the results!

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