I am currently facing a big issue with my #2. She is an extremely whiny, screamy and crabby child. At 6years 5 months, she cries, screams and throws tantrums every single day. She is late for school everyday as she has trouble waking up, drinking her milk, washing herself up and dressing up. When told to do homework or anything academic, she will switch from smart mode to dense mode. Though she attends Mandarin tuition together with Alycia, she is a far cry from her che che in terms of words recognition and attitude towards her school work. She argues with me everyday as she will not take instructions from me. She fights with the maid non-stop the whole day, with her stomping her feet in anger. The maid is partly to be blamed too. Both of them are like cats and dogs put together.
I give her a pair of fork and spoon for lunch, she will change it to chopsticks. I give her chopsticks, she changes it back to fork an spoon. I give her a bowl, she will change it to a plate and vice versa. She asks me to choose a dress for her and I do, but she will whine and say she does not like it. Ask her to do homework, she will come up with 1001 excuses to evade doing her homework. When I set Math questions for her, she will copy the answers (though I had reprimanded her countless times that it is a big offense to copy). She will also rebel and switch to another book and do questions meant for younger kids. Wherever she goes, I have to pull my hair and my blood pressure shoots sky high as I will be nagging her non-stop to hurry up to prepare herself. She has no sense of urgency.
Our relationship is becoming from bad to worse each day and I want to salvage it before this girl becomes wayward. I hate to have a resentment towards her and I don’t want her to resent me too. I don’t want her to be a missing teenager, with her picture in the newspapers 8 years down the road. I am trying my best to be nice to her but her disobedience annoys me to the pit of my guts every single day. I used to dot on her so much when she was a toddler.
I’ve just had a major melt down with her. I told her to do Math subtraction but she told me that she did not know how to do. Those are simple equations that I have been teaching her since last year. I tried to remain patient and cool and explained to her more than 10x again but she told me that she still did not know how to do. She knew how to do them before. Suddenly, she did not even know how to do simple subtraction meant for 5-6 yo. I feel like she is deliberately trying to piss me off. I gave her a good whipping. Oh God, what am I going to do with her? If only there was a Nanny 911 here that I can hire to help me tame this girl. She is like an uncontrollable puppy seriously in need of training and discipline. I really don’t know how to manage her. HELP!!!
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Could it be that she is displaying the middle-child-syndrome?
Evelyn, it could be. I am a middle child myself but I was never like this. I dared not be like this for I will be caned!
I truly enjoyed yr 3 princesses. Coming from an educator’s background, could be the tantrummy 6yo syndrome. Then again, is it sher dislike the medium of teaching, does she respond better to games, or story thingy? approach can change? or perhaps bonding time can be strengthened?
Anne, she likes games and stories but in a Chinese school, learning is pretty rigid and strict. She has to bend and learn the strict way. If she really can’t cope in a Chinese school next yr, I will hv to switch her to a kebangsaan school.
Is she trying to get more attention from you?
Try to talk to her nicely…
Hmmm I also think she is trying to seek for attention. I remember u mentioning before that she was not like this b4 baby C. Could one-to-one quality time help?
Is she so difficult with daddy too?
Shir Lin, daddy is hardly at home but she’s afraid of daddy. I’ll bet daddy will loose his cool too if he stayed home just for 1 day to bbsit her.
She sounds like Brandon. I think the approach needs to change. Perhaps try the soft mode. Or try to “I don’t care less” mode. I have a book called “Handling a Difficult Child” which has lots of good tips. Would you like to have a read?
Paik Ling, I am switched to “I don’t care less” mode everyday but it’s making matters worse…I think. Yeah, pls do lend me the book. Will get it fr you when we next meet, tks!
Must not give up…lets encourage each other ..kekeke
Love her unconditionally and discipline her positively. I do not know how to advise you, but I myself is a very stern mother. If you give her bowl, she wants plate, then tell her no need to eat.
It does sound she wants attention but of course she is getting it the wrong way. I think most important is that u stay calm (I agree..easier said than done!), speak calmly but firmly what she has to do and also what the consequences are if she does not follow through. You too have to be consistent and follow thru what you have said. Example, let’s say she can have a play date/ fun time on the computer/ watch a TV show etc when she finishes her homework, then make sure that if she does not hold up her end of the deal, she does not get to enjoy those extras. Do not let her off the hook. When she realizes u are serious and she stands to lose privileges, then she may re-think her behaviour. Child psychologists have said time and time again that kids need routines, need boundaries and need direction. Without that they have no idea what is accepted socially and what appropriate behaviour is. Good luck!!
These are classic signs of attention seeking. If I am not wrong, she is feeling very insecure at this stage.. with an elder sister to live up to and a younger sister to compete with, I wouldnt want to be in her position.
I wouldnt label her difficult.. I would say she is desperate for your love and attention. I would think you need to spend a lot of alone time with her.. just you and her.. take her out for shopping and give her your attention. yes, she will test you and defy you and make you angry and that’s her way to test if you really really there for her. You gotta be patient during such moments.. she will soon learn that she is special in your heart and she dont have to feel like she need to live up or compete for your love.
As for your other children, it would be wise to explain and talk to your oldest girl.. tell her that you noticed that her 2nd sister is having problems and you need her to give you some time to sort this out with her 2nd sister.. and in the meantime, she can continue to love and be kind to her 2nd sister..
It is not easy to be in your 2nd daughter’s position.. She is a very bright girl and if you can handle her well, she will excel in what she chose to do. You are right about worrying that she is heading to being wayward and all.. and you need to arrest this situation. At times, get your husband to spend ME time with her.. just her and your husband.. so that she knows she has someone to confine in should she have problems with you.
As for school, once your relationship with her improves, she will show signs of improvement in school too. At the moment, go easy on the workbooks and all.. Dont worry too much about formal school years for now.. She will muddle thru when she gets there.. at the moment, just try to make your relationship with her better.
Chris, I am doing what u suggested right now – punishing her by barring her from playing with the laptop and watching TV if she does not do her homework. It works sometimes and sometimes not.
Bunnies, one to one time… I think I need to give this a try but I need to arrange for someone to bbsit the other 2 girls. That can be arranged. The other prob is if #3 sees me bringing her che che out w/o her, all hell will break loose!
I can feel your difficulties. Whatever it is, don’t give up. My daughter is afraid of her nanny and she behaves nicely, but once she’s back at home, she knows she’s the tuan rumah and will bully both me and hubby. But nanny maybe not good idea 4u since ur kids have you at home yeah…..
Send her over to me. I can be that ‘Nanny 911’! Would love to have her and I’m sure she’ll love to have me too…all to herself! Hehehe!
Mum, r u serious? Her dad will def not agree!
Hi,
I have been following your blog and I realised your 2nd child is creative child.. With regards to the issue on homework & academic, she is not someone who likes maths & science, in fact she might hate it but you won’t know about it. She is I believe someone into arts whether is it performing arts (likes ballet), fine arts (drawing) & design (having a dislike for the clothes that you choose for her).. put her in a primary school that encourages both academic & non-academic. But for now, maybe you can enrol her in not just ballet but other aspects of the arts, esp piano or the violin which instill discipline in a child. Bring her to arts performances & art galleries or even gymnastics.
Don’t fret, she is a bright child with talent. You have to discover that talent in her.
Anonymous… thanks for your suggestion, whoever you are 🙂 I’ll have to see how she fares in a chinese primary school next yr and decide on my next course of action. Yup, will enroll her and Alycia in art class as both of them love art & craft, esp Sherilyn.
looks she’s wanting just your attention. how about u plan just the both of you, a day out, even if it’s an hour or so. make her a promise and she if she behaves better. you just have to explain to hub to take over for a couple of hours so you can spent quality time with your no.2, just both mummy and daughter.
you’re right that if you dont correct the situation now, the gap will get wider and wider. sending her off somewhere is not a solution though and i know you wont have the heart to do that too. she is a very bright kid and she knows it. and she probably dislike it when she is being compared to her sisters (i know i hated it when i was young, being the middle child too).
hang in there shireen!
kids are so different despite coming from the same set of parents hor…..with her very strong attitude, am sure this girl will do you very proud one day when she grows up.
awww….i read also i can feel how ‘san fu’ you have been managing her! apart from all possible reasons mentioned by yr readers, i personally think that each kid is different & it’s a fact that some are born to be slightly more difficult (middle or not…..enough attention or not). So u just have to stay strong n stay focus in a different way of handling her (sorry that i can’t help in this regards)! I do believe a one-to-one session & heart-to-heart talk will help….do give it a shot.
wish u good luck shireen 😀
oh this sounds so much like my boy… we have fights all the time and I’m beginning to hate me for the way I beat him.. I read with interest the other comments and I think they are right that my boy and Sher are seeking attention. well, here’s the best to you and me 🙂